And You Will Lead Us Home
by joywriter1980
Summary: A 'Homestead' add on. Kathryn has a moment of self - doubt.


And You Will Lead Us Home

Disclaimer: Again the old game, they're Paramounts and I don't make any money with it…

A/N 1 Written for the Extravaganza on VAMB. Thanks to Dawn for the wonderful idea. And again a very special thank you to elem for her wonderful beta services! Thank you!

A/N 2 This is set after the episode 'Homestead'. Kathryn as a moment of self-doubt.

**And You Will Lead Us Home**

"Does your mother know that you steal cookies from the Mess Hall in the middle of the night?"

Kathryn Janeway jumped slightly as she heard the low voice of her first officer whispering in her ear.

"Oh my, Chakotay! You almost gave me a heart attack. Don't ever do that again!" She swatted him on his right arm. "And I don't 'steal' cookies, I just 'borrow' them.

"You eat them. I don't see any 'borrowing' in that," Chakotay chuckled.

"Okay, you're right," she gave in. "Let's just say: it's for the greater good then," Kathryn winked at him.

"Ah, you mean the 'cookies make the Captain happy, and a happy Captain makes the crew happy' rule?" He asked with a straight face.

"You've got it in one," she laughed. "Cookie?" She offered and held up the open jar to him.

"Sure," Chakotay grabbed some and made his way over to the nearby couch under the viewport.

"Mmmmhh, chocolate cookies," Kathryn hummed as she flopped down beside him and laid her feet on the table before her.

"Does your mother know…?"

"That I used to prop up my feet on the table?" Kathryn cut him off. "Yes she knows. I've been doing this since I was a teenager. It gives her the creeps," she laughed and took another bite.

They just sat for a while, eating in silence.

"So how are you feeling?" Chakotay finally broke the quiet.

"Good," she answered, too fast and too cheerfully.

"Oh no, Kathryn," he shook his head. "You don't expect me to buy that do you? Stop ignoring your feelings. Talk to me!"

She was silent for a few seconds and then sighed. Sitting up, she placed the cookie jar on the small table in front of her and turned towards him. "He hasn't even been gone for five hours yet and I already miss him terribly," she finally admitted. "Isn't it funny? He got on my nerves so many times over the years, that I wished he'd go to hell more than a hundred times and now…," her voice broke as she trailed off and tears started to glisten in her eyes.

"How many, Chakotay? How many more will we lose on this hell ride that we call our journey home?" It suddenly spilled out of her. "Will we ever get to see Earth again?" She stood and started to pace in front of him. "A few years ago I asked you whether I was still doing the right thing, and I'm asking you again now. Do you think we should continue this never-ending journey?" Coming to a halt in front of him Kathryn leaned down so she was able to look directly into his eyes. "Does it still make sense to run and hide over and over again? Or should I just give the order to settle down on some goddamned planet, far away from our enemies?" Her voice rose but then she straightened up again, ran her hands through her hair and turned to stand by the nearby viewport. She looked out to the stars streaking by and her shoulders slumped, tired from the previous outburst.

Chakotay longed to take her in his arms, to make her evident despair and self-doubt go away, but he knew she wouldn't allow this. Instead, as he stood and moved behind her, he laid his hands on her shoulders to give them an encouraging squeeze.

"We both know that I can't answer these questions but I can tell you, that you're the best leader this crew could ask for," he underlined his words by turning her around and looking in her shining blue eyes. "We have to thank _you_, your creativity, your damned pigheadedness…," Chakotay laughed slightly as she shook her head, a small smile gracing her lips, "…and for still being alive," he finally continued the sentence. "We're going to make it 'home'. It may be Earth or some other foreign planet, but I know when the time comes, you'll make the right decision!"

Chakotay saw her face soften and her smile widen.

"Thank you," she finally whispered. "It's good to know that some people still have confidence in me."

"We all believe in you, Kathryn, don't ever doubt that," he waited for her to nod, so that he could be sure she understood. "So what do you think about an early breakfast?" He suggested. "Alpha shift starts in three hours so why don't we eat something light and you take a day off?"

He wasn't sure what surprised him more, her actual agreement to take the day off, though he knew she would be back at her desk in the afternoon, or that for a few glorious seconds he could feel her lips brushing across his. He closed his eyes, as she stood on her toes, whispered a 'thank you' in his ear, and then walked past him.

As he stood there, enjoying the wonderful tingly feeling that had engulfed him, he heard her husky voice from the doorway.

"Are you coming?"

END

2008-09-30


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